Developing my artistic side.

I have been taking some photos over the years, and from time to time, people have suggested I sell them. I've finally taken them up on that advice and have put them up for sale. You can check them out here.

Aussie autism advocacy organisation locks out autistics!

Seems some people can't let go of power for their own good. A4 is aupposed to be an autism advocacy organisation, which represents the views of both people on the autism spectrum and their parents and carers. There have been simmering issues for sometimes between some of the committee members, and this resulted in all the autistic members being locked out. For more information on this unacceptable situation, here is the public statement from ASAN-Australia.

AUTISTIC SELF ADVOCACY NETWORK

AUSTRALIA

20/5/09

A4 LOCKS OUT AUTISTIC MEMBERS

STATEMENT CONCERNING A4 – AUTISM ASPERGER ADVOCACY AUSTRALIA

ASAN AUSTRALIA understands from its members that as of today all Autistic members have been exclude from the Steering Committee of A4 (Autism Asperger Advocacy Australia) which has now been renamed the A4 Advisory Group. Convener of the A4 Advisory Group Bob Buckley states in an email to all A4 members:

"A majority group decided to separate itself from a minority dissenting group (formerly in A4 SC) who do not accept and object to long-standing polices and practices of the A4 SC."

This minority dissenting group just happens to contain all of the people with a diagnosed Autism Spectrum Disorder that sat on the A4 Steering Committee up until 18/5/09. This minority group has long been battling to be part of the national voice that is A4 and now finds themselves excluded from the very group that once claimed to represent them.

ASAN AUSTRALIA finds this situation unacceptable, reprehensible in fact. We suggest that in light of this move A4 not be seen as a legitimate voice for those on the autism spectrum who can speak for themselves.

An ASAN AUSTRALIA Convener can be contacted for comment via autisticadvocacy@gmail.com

We're hitched! :D

2009 got off to probably the best start possible. On January 27th, Mark and I became officially a couple, as our relationship registration became valid. As same sex marriage is not yet legal here, this will have to do for now. It at least allows us to access our legal rights without having to "prove" a relationship exists.

The new Register doesn't provide for any form of ceremony. It's a straightforward process of legally completing the application, then signing it in front of the Registrar. However, we had our own celebration yesterday with family and friends. :)

So anyway, 2009 will be our first year of "wedded" bliss. :)

I made it!

Well, Marathon day finally came, and it was every bit as challenging as it promised to be. First challenge turned out to be getting to the starting line on time! I had booked a cab the night before to pick me up around 6AM, so I could be at the start in plenty of time for the race. I had planned to arrive around 6:30 for the 7:30 start. When the cab hadn't arrived by 6:15, I rang the company, and it seems they'd lost the booking! They did send another cab, which arrived within 5 minutes.

Instead of arriving at 6:30, it was a little after 7 by the time I got to the MCG for the start. By the time I did any remaining paperwork and left my gear in the storage area, the race was about to start. I ended up making it... just, with a flying start with the tail end of the field!

The first 10km went well, taking just under an hour. This continued to 15km in 90 minutes, which was not too bad. Around 18km, some injuries from a car accident I had back in July were starting to become a problem, and the half way mark took me around 2:15, which was a bit slower than the 2:03 I had run in a half marathon 2 years earlier. By 24.5 km, the bad hip and knee joints gave out, it was simply too soon after the accident. However, all was not lost, as I could still walk without any discomfort, so I continued walking, with the occasional jog downhill, and finished the marathon. Not the best time, and at 5:19, it more than an hour behind my original target of 4 hours, but I did finish, which was the most important thing. The buzz at the end was worth all the pain! :)

Next time should be better, when the injuries have healed 100% Somehow, I don't think this will be my last marathon, even though I'm not naturally a long distance runner.

Time to make a stand?

Maybe it's the 40 thing and impending middle age (not that I feel "middle aged"!), but I find myself contemplating where I've been and how far I've come. In some ways, there has been a lot of things happen, and I have been blessed by the times we live in. Technology that was barely science fiction during my childhood is now all around me, and I'm in a position to understand and play a small part in its development in a nice of human activities. I've even discovered a few abilities that range from the geeky (but sometimes cool) to the downright freaky. And they are not just curiosities, but things I depend on in my life. As for the social thing, I manage a reasonable presence in a range of social situations, and a side effect of all that learning is I have a unique understanding of social interaction. It's like I've reverse engineered the neurotypical "black box" and then re-implemented it in a form that will work in my mind - so I have the "source code" of what makes people tick, in a sense. And like a program I've written, I can tinker with how my "NT emulation" works (social engineering anyone?), or watch for behavioural patterns that could indicate ulterior motives in other people.

All that aside, there are still some persistent challenges. My executive function is somewhat sub par, even compared to others on the spectrum of similar overall functioning to me. When faced with an unfamiliar situation that has relationship with my experience, I don't know where to start. Add paperwork and red tape, and it's a case of forget it. I almost didn't finish uni because of this issue and the increasing reliance on self directed research. Fortunately, these days Google (the best prothesis I could ever have!) exists, and there are plenty of discussion forums, lists, groups etc, all of which help me work around that massive hole. Anxiety has and always will be an issue, especially where it revolves around what other people might think (and yes, logically, I know what they think generally doesn't matter).

Anyway the net result is while I'm surviving, I know I could be doing a lot better, and while I'm in touch with with various autistic groups, I feel I haven't contributed as much to raising awareness as I could. However, when one casts themselves out on the web like I did over 10 years ago, it's hard to know the real impact I've made.

The countdown begins

Almost 2 years ago, I committed to running a full marathon this year. On October 7 2008, I will be running in the Melbourne Marathon. The weekend just past marked the start of my training season, with a 15km run. The hardest part may not be the race itself, but fitting in the training between commitments. I don't want to be someone who alienates those closest for the sake of the prize.

At 40, I'm still in good shape and physical capable of covering the distance. The question will be how long will it take? I'm aiming for 4 hours as a goal at this stage.

Navigating the Red Centre.

July 2007, dawn breaks over the East McDonnell Ranges, 80km east of Alice Springs. It is the morning of the Australian Rogaining Championships. The next day or so will be spent hiking around this rugged patch of the Outback, a red wilderness in the middle of Australia.

And no, the checkpoint that was clearly visible from the campsite at dawn was not on the official map! :-D

During the morning, we collected our maps and prepared a route that we thought would gain us a reasonable number of points during the 24 hour period. Our strategy was to stay out until after midnight, come back to the Hash House, eat and then sleep for a few hours and finish off in the following morning. Finally, we were ready, maps were prepared and the start drew clear.

And finally at noon, we set off...

The early afternoon saw us traversing some rocky and hilly terrain to the west of the Hash House. Conditions were unusually warm for the middle of winter, 25 - 28C, which made climbing some of the hills a bit more difficult than normal.

At the bottom of a particularly steep section...


And the view from the top...

And finally, the checkpoint!

More steep climbs followed, culminating in this one in the middle of the afternoon...

The only way is up! (the checkpoint is to the left, but still nearly 1km away)


Nice view at the top!

And finally, we reached our goal *whew*! :-)

That was the last major hill climb for a while. We descended down to the Ross River flood plain, where would remain for the next couple of hours. By this time, water was a priority, and the water drop was several km north of where we were. The trek to the water drop took a bit over an hour. After refilling our water supplies, we continued on easy ground for a while, and enjoyed a spectacular sunset, with no sign of human activity in sight.

Moonrise in the desert.


And finally, the sun sets, giving the landscape its famous orange colours.

After sunset, it was time to don the headlamps and reconsider our plans. We did get another two checkpoints, before approaching an area that would be extremely difficult to navigate through at night. Instead, we decided to skip that area and head for easier pickings further east. Unfortunately, that meant spending over an hour just walking along tracks and roads. Even worse, when we approached the next checkpoint, a track that led from the river on the map didn't appear to exist! In the end, after some searching, we decided to just enter that patch of scrub and somehow managed to find the track in the dark. This allowed us to easily find the next checkpoint on a small knoll.

The checkpoint after also proved to be difficult, and we weren't able to find it in the dark. Later, we found others had similar difficulties in the dark, and the map may have not been 100% accurate in that area. In the end, we moved on and picked up a final checkpoint in the dark, before returning to the Hash House a little after midnight. The rocky terrain of the hills had taken their toll and we needed to rest our feet, so we camped the night and started out again around 8AM to gather the final checkpoints.

The morning hike was much easier. After some climbing to the first two checkpoints, and dodging a little spinifex, we spent the final 2 hours out on the flood plain, enjoying the scenery. The final leg back to the Hash House was like being in an old Outback movie, with the red dust and flat landscape dominating.

Racing across the desert on the return leg.


At last, the Hash House is in sight. Almost home!


Just about to arrive at Admin to get our finishing time recorded. It's over!

Now we could get another bite to eat at the Hash House and rest our feet. After the presentations, most of us wandered over to the nearby Ross River restaurant and its bar and enjoyed a quiet drink, swapping our experience of the previous 24 hours. We stayed on for dinner, but for me there was one final act after dinner. It was almost sunset and it was time to get some spectaculat photographs, even if that meant climbing another rocky ridge! The photos were worth it, and I think readers will agree...

And so ended an amazing weekend in one of the more spectacular parts of the world. For more info on rogaining... http://vra.rogaine.asn.au .

Happy 1 1/2 Anniversary!

Yesterday marked 18 months of Mark and I being together. It's been a wonderful journey so far. Mark is still the sweetest man I know. :)

I'm sure I'll be typing "18 years" in another 16 1/2 years. ;) Hope this blog is still around then! :-D

Web forums - Why they suck and what's needed.

And now for something different. You've no doubt seen all those web forums on the Internet. These systems come in a myriad of flavours, from online communities, much like the BBSs of old, through to product support forums. I will admit that they have a few advantages, such as searchable archives and strong support for threading. These are no doubt some of the reasons why many people like them. As for myself, most web forums suck. What's wrong with them?

1. They are slower than local email access. Despite access to broadband (5 - 15 Mbps download speed), and having seen how fast well written databases can work, web forums are still sluggish, and furthermore, if your Internet goes down, you can't read any more. And then your browser has to render it. I sometimes use memory constrained systems and on those, rendering time becomes an issue. Because web forums send data to the user in real time, there is little opportunity to click the "download" button and let the posts come to you while you grab a coffee. This is in contrast to email, offline Usenet and offline Fidonet readers.

2. They are "passive". This means you have to remember to log on and check the forums for new posts. Some do have email notification, but this is still insufficient, you still have to switch to a web browser and post (which is even slower on memory constrained systems).

3. They are clumsy to navigate. It takes several mouse clicks to navigate between forum posts and threads. Contrast this to my email, which I have configured in a way that a single keypress or mouse click allows me to navigate between messages, or delete those I don't want.

Can this problem be fixed? Yes, certainly! What is required is for software developers to realise that different people have different communication preferences. This means that the solution lies in starting with a decent web forum system and add bi-directional email capability, or even NNTP as well. As a number of forum packages support RSS, RSS could be a standardised way to pull new posts off the forums. Some means of posting replies that are emailed to the system would need to be added. Development of a standard here would allow third parties to develop forum to email gateways. If I was a coder, I would have had a go at adding such support to some of the open source forum packages. Unfortunately, this is not the case, but I'm more than happy to test any attempt to add email functionality to web forums.

Anyway, let's see if any of the open source developers are up to the challenge. You'll be helping a whole heap of people stay in touch with their web based communities.

Just a short walk in the bush ;)

Rogaining - a challenging sport with an odd name! So what is a rogaine? Firstly, it has nothing to do with hair restoration, though I'm sure it does wonders for keeping the rest of one young!

Rogaining is the sport of cross country navigation. Think of it as a cross between orienteering and long distance hiking. Like orienteering, rogaining involves navigation using a map and a compass. However, rogaining is a team sport and rogaines last from 6 hours to 24 hours.

This weekend (September 9 and 10 2006), I competed in my first 24 hour rogaine. We hiked 70km (45 miles) in fairly hilly terrain, stopping twice for 30 minute meal breaks and a few water refills. The event started at midday on Saturday in cool, sunny and windy conditions. Pretty much immediately, we commenced the first of many climbs. During the course of the event, we ascended from the Hash House (base camp) at 220 metres, passing 800 metres on 3 occasions, and dipping below 500 metres several times.

After 6 hours, we entered the night phase of the event. Night navigation presents a whole new series of challenges. Landmarks become difficult to spot, and traveling off trails requires a much higher degree of skill. Fortunately, we had the aid of a beautiful full moon, which aided visibility. The full moon also provided a psychological boost - a wonderful silvery light that permeated the forest, interrupted by the occasional beam from a torch and the firefly like light from head mounted lights. At 1:15AM, we commenced the biggest single ascent, some 470 metres in 2km, which we achieved in 45 minutes. After that ascent, the rest of the course was relatively flat, with the next 3 hours being downhill, except for the occasional climb to a checkpoint along the way.

6AM saw the sun make its grand return. Night faded to day, and the forest regained its features. As the first rays washed over the ground, we ate breakfast, elated by the fact we had made it through the night. That feeling hid the other reality - there were still 6 hours to go, and 25% of the rogaine left to complete!

The new day rapidly warmed up, and the wind abated. We had a fairly clear run, but at around 3 hours from base came, a tough checkpoint eluded us. After wasting almost 90 minutes searching for it, we had to abandon the checkpoint and make a dash for the finish. We arrived back at the Hash House 30 minutes early, tired but very satisfied.

After the presentations, we boarded the bus for the 4 hour trip back to Melbourne. As the bus took off, I nodded off for the first half of the journey. Recovery from the rogaine took a little while. It was 2 days before my sleep patterns were back to normal, and late in the week, before the stiffness went away.

The problem with rogaining is that it is addictive. When I first looked at the website, I thought "You have to be crazy!", but within a year (June 2004), I gave a 6 hour event a try and was instantly hooked. I had to wait for another year to compete in my second 6 hour rogaine, followed by an 8 hour event the next month. By early 2006, I had my first 12 hour event and my first night navigation experience. Since then, night time has been my favourite part of the sport.

Anyway, that's all for now. Who knows what's around the corner. :)

The Marathon of Life..

Well, I managed to complete my first half marathon yesterday. All 21.1km of it! While I suspected I would be able to conver the distance, I had some pre-race jitters. However, I need not have worried, as around the 12km mark, the second wind kicked in and I made the remaining distance without too much effort. In the end, I managed to complete the course in 2:03, just 3 minutes longer than the 2 hours I was aiming for. I wasn't alone. Several other members of Melbourne Frontrunners took part in the race as well.

As the title suggests, there is another marathon going on - life itself, and it's never ending stream of little hassles. Whether it's work, taxes, paperwork, it never seems to stop. Unlike the running race, there's no safety cars or ambulances on standby. Oh well, let's see what tomorrow brings...

An update...

Just a little update. Mark and I are going well. In fact, that's one of the reasons I haven't been blogging as much of late. ;-). Been spending a lot of time with each other. Unfortunately, the real world keeps on poking its head in, with things like work. We hope to travel around Australia later in the year, maybe chase a few storms.

With the arrival of winter, it's been a good time to catch up on sci-fi DVDs. One good thing about winter is it's a great excuse to cuddle!

I've kept active myself. Another street orienteering season ended 2 weeks ago, and there have been 2 rogaines since my last blog entry - a 12 hour rogaine, my first, and a 6 hour rogaine just last week.

1 year on

June 3rd marks the first anniversary of Mal's death. A lot has happened in that time, most importantly, Mark entering my life. I didn't get a chance to visit the place where Mal's ashes were scattered, but I have been past on several occasions during orienteering events in the last 7 months.

I still miss Mal, that will never change, but life must go on as it has. I'm still convinced that Mal had a part to play in bringing Mark and I together. Mal was a matchmaker in life, someone who liked to see people happy together. I'm sure he is happy with how things have gone for me now. :-)

Lightning... of a different sort... does strike twice!

Sometimes, the Universe works in really mysterious ways. 5 months after the once in a lifetime chance encounter with Mark in an Internet chatroom, history repeaters itself, and once in a lifetime becomes twice in a lifetime.

While on a social outing, Mark and I met Doug, another wonderful man, with so much in common with both of us, and someone who makes us both feel at home. I had to pinch myself to make sure this was real and not a dream! :-)

This just highlights the mysteries of life, but a few sayings seem to hold true for me:

"Expect the Unexpected!"

"Million to one chances happen 9 times out of 10."

"As impossible as it seems, my life is based on a true story!"

and, the old classic...

"The Universe works in mysterious ways."

Thunderstruck!!!

The day dawned with a promise of some storm activity. Yes, it was the annual ASWA BBQ - where storm enthusiasts from all over Victoria gather for a few snags and a chat... The forecast showed potential for storms, and as we ate lunch, towering Cumulus were drifting past our picnic location atop Mt Macedon. Many of us packed up and headed for the Memorial Cross on the southern end of the mountain around 1PM. After 10 minutes of watching the approaching storm, all hell broke loose, starting with the radar tower to our north, 500m away being struck by lightning. Within the next 10 minutes, there were 4 or 5 strikes within 300m, some within 150m, and later, the same repeated itself. Torrential rain trapped around a dozen of us under a small wooden shelter... we were in chaser heaven! ;) The photo above is a frame grab from video I took minutes betore the storm struck.

Well, December 2004, and now February 2006 are memorable ASWA BBQs, because of the storms that followed. We seem to be getting friendly with the storm gods... ;)

2006 - a New Year, New Adventures.

As I previously mentioned, Mark and I travelled to my parents' house near Tocumwal, NSW to celebrate New Years Eve.

This was our first significant trip away together, and one that will be remembered as special for many reasons. Firstly, the weather was something out of an Australian Outback novel - 44C when we arrived at 3PM, which turned into a balmy summers evening. Our accommodation was equally fitting - a tent out under the stars. Just the thing for a couple of summer loving outdoors guys.

As midnight approached, we checked our clocks against the WWV time standard, so we got the countdown right, and at the stroke of midnight, we played Auld Lang Syne from the laptop through the car stereo at full volume. Just the 2 of us, remembering 2005 and looking to a new year together. It was several minutes before we rejoined the rest of the family for a celebratory drink.

But the really special memories for me were what Mark gave to me - far more than I realised up until this morning. Mark gave me the ability to be ME in nore ways than I had previously. We spent much of the weekend arm in arm like a couple of love struck teenagers. And it just seemed to fit in. My younger sister noticed I seemed the most relaxed she had seen me in a long time. This change in me has already brought me closer to the rest of my family. Up until now, we were on good terms, but I always felt a little distant, but I now feel a lot closer.

Our night together in the tent was wonderful. We are both country guys who have moved to the city for career reasons, but the call of the bush always beckons. As they say: "You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy". This rings true for both of us. We plan on spending more time camping together. It's good for the soul and brings us close to our beloved Mother Nature.

For both of us, 2005 will be remembered as a year of great change and unexpected twists. For me, it was a particularly difficult year, but one which ended on a good note with a whole new shared life ahead. We now look forward to 2006 together with new opportunities and making plans for a lifetime together.

Love you Mark! :-*

New Years Eve 2005

December 31 2005, what a year it's been. So much has happened that it's hard to believe that just 12 months ago, Mal and I were sitting on the edge of the Yarra River watching the fireworks mark the start of this year.

Of course, Mal is no longer in this world. That was the biggest shock of 2005, and a huge loss that I will feel deeply for a long time. Mal was a special person, and one without whom I wouldn't be where I am today.

But 2005 did have its positive side. Firstly, my first overseas holiday, which was the most prominant symbol of achievements in Amateur Radio. But the biggest surprise and joy was meeting another wonderful man, Mark. Knowing that many friends are yet to find their first special someone, I thought a second round of such luck was just asking for too much, but the mysterious ways of the Universe had other plans, and delivered a miracle to close off 2005.

This year, New Years Eve will be different. For the first time in 14 years, Mal won't be there, and instead of being somewhere around the suburbs, Mark and I will be in the bush camping, with the only fireworks being the stars and whatever meteors that happen to fall. As the clock ticks past midnight, I will remember a year that's changed my life totally. In what direction, I don't know yet. Guess that's what 2006 is for.

2005 was a year of triumph, tragedy and miracles. Let's hope for a quieter 2006 to build our new life together.

Happy New Year to all!

Merry Christmas... and a Happy New Life!

It's 10:17PM on Christmas Day 2005. Mark and I are sitting here just playing around on our computers. We had a wonderful day, which really started on Christmas Eve with dinner with friends, which set the tone for the start of our first week together unimpeded by mundane concerns such as work.

Today, after a sleep in, we journeyed to my sister's place, where I introduced Mark to her and her husband, as well as my parents. This went extremely well and a good time was had by all. Afterwards, we called in on some friends of mine who were having their own Christmas party. Again, Mark and the news of our relationship was well received.

Happy (insert favourite religious holiday here) Mark! :-)

As for the rest of our week off together, we haven't made any plans. Just going to meander along and let it happen. It's just wonderful being together, whatever we're doing! :-)

Coming out on the Web, 10 years on...

2005 marks an important anniversary for me. Back in 1994, I first logged onto the Internet from my own account. At the time, the Internet to me was a nice geeky solution to a problem that I hadn't yet found. Then one day it struck me to use Veronica to search Gopher for references on "autism" (yes, the web was in its infancy then). As expected, I found a LOT of useful information and started to make contact with people, but not one other gay autistic could be found...

So in 1995, I decided to tell my story to the world, mostly for the benefit of self therapy (writing about life's problems is a good relief valve), as well as in the faint hope that I would find people that understood. As it turns out, I got a LOT of positive feedback from parents, as well as autistic people, and even the occasional "please help me" question (sorry, I don't have professional qualifications, no one recognises even a Masters from the School of Hard Knocks" ;) ) .

10 years on, much has changed. I know dozens like myself, including several personally in my own city! There's a few gay autistic groups on the Internet, where we can interact at our own pace and discuss life issues. There's even adult autistic groups here (not gay specific, but I'm definitely not the "only one" there :) ). However, much ground needs to be covered. There's still a strong dominance of non autistic elements (parents/carers/professionals) in the autism community that sets most of the agendas, and there's a strong conservative bias from both the autistic and non autistic elements, which is cutting off a significant number of people from benefitting from shared knowledge.

Let's see what the next 10 years brings...

footnote: My earlier writings can be found at http://members.optusnet.com.au/tlang1/

Sometimes it's hard to find good help...

Sometimes I wonder how many problems society creates for itself by segregating out each non-mainstream element of the wider community into it's own little niche. We have the "Queer" community, which is in turn made up of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and intersexed communities. Then we have communities for various conditions... blind, deaf, autistic, and so on.

And there's the support for alcoholics, drug addicts, survivors of sexual abuse, and the list goes on. The problem becomes when you add REAL people into the equation. Real people do not fit neatly into boxes, and frequently belong to many of the abovementioned communities. This can mean that sometimes finding support, and even friendship can be difficult.

Using myself as an example... The gay community's most public face is a highly social, party oriented culture. While the gay community is increasingly recognising its diversity, that's still the most dominant facet. I'm not one for big parties. I prefer small intimite gatherings of friends and sharing deep conversation or common interests. The gay community also has some excellent support services (but a caveat below). The autism community is in a mess. This is actually at least two separate communities. The first (to develop) was the community made up of parents, carers, spouses and professionals. This community has driven almost all autism polict to date. The other, as I call it, the _autistic_ community is in its infancy, and has only become possible since the advent of the Internet. However, the autistic community is rapidly developing, both online and now in face to face meetings. Like the gay community, the autistic community is extremely diverse, with a wide array of people. The dominant face tends to be the so called "higher functioning" people, simply because these people are the ones with the resources to connect to the Internet and get out with minimal intervention by parents or carers.

Then we have the support groups. While my experience with support groups has been mostly positive, with GROW being one of the things that helped me to appreciate myself, there are still issues. The unique aspects of an autistic mind - highly retentive long term memory, strong associations, and a lifetime of living "blindly" in a subtle, social world take their toll. This damage accumulates over time, and can be particularly hard to address for a number of reasons (conventional counselling has very limted benefits for me because of the way I deal with contexts). Some of the mainstram support groups can also be a bit gay unfriendly, though the gay community (at least here in Melbourne) has its own comprehensive array of support services. The autism community, OTOH, would rather that I did not exist. Very few outside of specific circles such as gay autistic Internet groups or groups that know me personally want to even acknowledge the issue. Try getting an openly gay speaker into an autism conference to talk about their experiences, for example. In fact, even sexuality of any form among autistics is something that seems to have only recently been acknowledged.

This blinkered thinking is damaging people. I ran into an old personal problem which seriously affects some aspects of my relationships. After decades, I have just come to the realisation that this likely stems back to an incident during childhood. Given that this is adversely affecting my current relationship, I would like to deal with the issue and put it behind me, but who do I go to? Most professionals aren't equipped to handle the quirks of an autistic mind. The autism community would rather not know I existed, and aren't equipped to handle a gay man. The only possibility is a very busy professional who is not covered by the public health system, so that means a very expensive punt with no certain outcome, and one that I can't afford at this time, despite being well off compared to most. :-(

In the meantime, this lack of acceptance is damaging more gay autistics. It's time society faced up to the reality that some percentage of their auitistic kids are going to be something other than heterosexual, whether they like it or not. Best that these kids (when they're old enough) be equipped to survive in a community that can often be superficial, especially when it comes to sex and sexuality. I've seen so many people damaged to the point that even social relationships can get strained, because of anxiety caused by a innocent misunderstandings, which are trigged by a lifetime of bad experiences. I know I for one have some damage, though I do my best to recognise and minimise its impact, and I do my best to prevent new damage. But I'm lucky, I have a strong survival instinct and a very stubborn streak. ;-)

So where does a gay autistic go for counselling about childhood trauma? And where do young gay autistics and their parents, who ultimately should help guide them, go to learn to be "street wise" in a world where some people take advantage of easy prey?

Well, one day, I'd really like to be able to post here to say "I know just the right places to go for help, it's listed in both the gay and autism resource directories".

In the meantime, it's back to picking myself apart to see if I can face those demons.... alone.