Setting sail in the winds of change

Just having a bit of a downer today, as the challenges ahead loom ever closer. What will the future hold? How will I manage on my own, with the realities of running a home?

As often happens, these dark days are also a time of reflection. I've come a long way since that day when the specialist told me "You definitely have Aspergers", and then to have no one offer any solutions. Likewise, 10 years ago, I was the only gay aspie on the Internet. Now there's dozens of us, and we interact daily over IM and email. What's more, I even know a few in my local area!

From the start, I knew that Mal's death would be the biggest life changing event so far, but I had no idea how that change would affect me. Maybe in my next round of struggles, I'll look to sharing what I learn with both other autistics and those who are trying to understand us. Somewhere in there must lie some answers that can be used to help someone after me. Again, I feel like an explorer in an uncharted ocean.

Who knows what the future brings. Whatever it brings, life is too short to waste opportunities to improve the world. Whatever it is I have to do, I'll give it my best shot...

Thank you Melbourne!

Well, I have to say a big thank you to the people I know across Melbourne. While no city is perfect, the people I've come to know from all walks of life have been fantastic. What brought that home to me was the effort that people like John and Jenny (husband and wife) from one of the orienteering clubs I belong to, to help and support me in whatever way they could. Not only did they visit Mal in hospital, send flowers and attend the funeral, but they went the extra step of ensuring that I got some of the left over food from tonight's breakup dinner for the street orienteering season. That kind gesture moved me to tears.

Similarly, the families on both sides - even those more distant that I never really got to know didn't bat an eyelid and came up and expressed their sympathy. Another surprise was my parents, who now live near Tocumwal made the long trip to Melbourne for the funeral. We hadn't been really close, and I never really spelled out the details of our relationship, but they made the effort.

While the politicians debate the validity of our relationships, more and more lay people are quietly discovering the GLBT men and women in their lives and are quietly accepting us as part of their community and circle of friends. I've seen that happen increasingly over the years. This is the side of Melbourne that makes me want to stay and makes me proud of our city.

Farewell Mal

Mal finally lost his battle with melanoma. I was priviliged to be there to see him off to the next Universe, it was quite a powerful time. His influence in my life has been considerable, and I'm sure he's still out there somewhere keeping an eye out for me.

At least he's no longer in pain and is in a much better place now.

As for me, life will go on. It is strange knowing I have no one to go home to, and all those little things in life that go with it. There will be some sad and lonely times, but in time these wounds will heal. I prefer to celebrate the life of a wonderful man - dare I say it, a guardian angel and a beautiful soul.

I now have a long and difficult journey ahead in a changed world...

Note: The time of this blog entry has been set to the exact time of Mal's death...

Radio blog

For those who don't know, I also have a radio specific blog, which can be accessed at http://www.bloglines.com/blog/vk3jed . The more tech bits will appear over there. :-)

Third time unlucky?

As I hinted in my last post, there are some serious issues on the home front. My partner of nearly 14 years is gravely ill with malignant melanoma, and was admitted to hospital on April 29, just 2 days after I returned from the USA. Unfortunately, there was nothing that they could do except for manage pain and alleviate the worst of the symptoms with radiotherapy, and he was moved to a palliative care hospice on May 28th.

The melanoma started 8 years ago from a spot on his back which he had removed. As a precaution, he was sent to hospital where they removed even more tissue in a day procedure, and all was well for another 3 or so years, until he started getting abdominal pains. These turned out to be a melanoma tumour on the intestine, which was also successfully removed, some 4 1/2 years ago.

Lase November, he began to get chest pains, which were diagnosed as "recovering pneumonia" from a chest X-ray. As he did actually come good over Christmas, we weren't overly concerned, but the pain came back in mid January and rapidly got worse. By February, he was off work, and finally, after a frustrating search, the worst was confirmed in April - inpoerable malignant melanoma, with tumours in multiple sites. I received the information while away in the US (thank goodness for VoIP telephony, which made phoning home cheap).

Well, if it wasn't for the awareness campaigns of the Anti Cancer Council, we may not have had the last 8 years together. Heeding their warnings certainly did give us many good times. However, if you have a mole or spot you're the _slightest_ bit doubtful about, get it checked NOW. And if you have kids, watch their sun exposure. Moderate sun, especially early and later in the day is great for their health, but avoid sunburn and the midday sun in summer.

USA April 2005

April 2005 saw my first overseas journey - to the USA. The trip lasted two weeks, and took in southern California, Las Vegas and central and east Texas. The original purpose for the journey was to attend a ham radio conference in Las Vegas. I built an entire holiday around this, and also got to attend a second meeting the following weekend in Nacogdoches in eastern Texas. The weeks in between were spent catching up with online and radio friends.

I arrived in Los Angeles on April 12 and was met by 2 friends at the airport. The next few days were spent touring around the San Diego area, where I met up with one of the locals who also happens to be autistic. Also got to meet the local naturist folks, as well as visit a resort a couple of hours out of San Diego.

Next came the road trip to Las Vegas. After a delayed start, I experienced my first US style traffic jam on the freeway just east of LA, which made us a bit late for a dinner that was arranged in Vegas. We did make it in time to eat, however. But the "day of disasters" didn't end there. Just as we were about to head off to bed, the toilet in the hotel room became clogged and we had to wait for a plumber to come up and fix it. That provided some time for some good old fashioned heart to heart conversation. The plumber did fix the problem a bit after 2 AM, but by then the conversation had become entrenched, and we ended up talking until about 4:30(!). Somehow I managed to drag myself out of bed at 7AM for a 7:30 breakfast... ;-)

With "Black Friday" behind me (no, it wasn't the 13th, but maybe the IRS and tax deadlines had something to do with it.... ), the conference went well, and I ended up giving two presentations - one planned, and one impromptu on various aspects of ham radio and VoIP technology. I also met many friends with whom I had only spoken to on air or corresponded with via email/IM. Vegas itself was an eye opener, though for someone on the spectrum like me, it's more than a bit overstimulating. Lucky I've long known how to manage sensory overload...

From Vegas, I flew to Austin, Texas to meet up with some more ham radio friends. I had previously met this couple on their Aussie holiday in early 2004, as well as frequent IM, email and ham radio contacts since early 2003. Got to see quite a bit of the scenery around Austin, as well as 2 days operating ham radio from a naturist resort (hmm, so I barely made contact? ;) ), and also took in the beauty of the local wildflowers at the wildflower gardens in Austin.

The next Friday was the day where anything could have gone wrong. It was to be a 4 way meetup at Houston (Bush) Airport with some other hams from the eastern states, then a 2 hour drive to Nacogdoches. While waiting on the tarmac at Austin, the pilot announced a short delay due to a technical hitch, and it looked as though Murphy would have his day - but no, it wasn't to be. Although I arrived 10 minutes late at Houston, everyone else made it on time and the meetup went without a hitch. After a lovely lunch of catfish and crawfish (mmm, must go back over for more!), we hit the road and headed for Nacogdoches.

The weekend in Nacogdoches could be described like a family reunion. Most of us hadn't met in person before, but we have worked very closely on air for well over a year providing emergency communications (yes, these days, I can do a LOT from down here!). The weekend ended up being a productive planning meeting, as well as a time to really get to know each other. As a matter of fact, a couple of the participants had been peeking on Google and found out a bit more about me, which brought us closer together...

On the Sunday, we headed back to Houston, and I flew back to Austin for a final night, before starting the long 30 hour journey home, via El Paso, Los Angeles and Auckland, before arriving back in Melbourne on the morning of the 27th.

All in all, the USA holiday brought out the best in the people I met, and I had a great time, although some serious issues were brewing back home...

New blog

Well, I've finally gotten around to joining the bloggers. Updating web pages is such a pain, and blogging makes it so much easier.

The down side is that a lot of content won't be as structured as it might otherwise have been, so expect posts on a myriad of topics, from autism, to gay issues, ham radio and more!

Stay tuned for more posts, I believe there is RSS on the blog...